Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

It’s been a struggle to fulfill this post’s title the past several weeks. From my second surgery getting canceled unexpectedly, immediately being ordered to go on crutches, getting a second opinion from another MD (who said crutches won’t help or hurt my injury at this point), and yet still having surgery on the table as an option… it’s been a mindboggling period for me. I realize that I’ve been more antsy as well due to my anxiety – it’s hard to sit still some days.

I have a hard time resting. My mind is constantly on the go so it’s difficult for me to sit still and trust that God is working on my behalf sometimes. He had to cancel this surgery for some reason so why has it been so hard for me to rest in that? Maybe it’s my perfectionism showing itself in that I must be working on something to show for some type of progress. Maybe it’s my pride really wanting this surgery as my mind has concluded that it’s the only way for me to get back to normal.

I’ve been in physical therapy for over a year for this same injury (dating back to September 2021). As much as it has helped strengthened the muscles around my knee, it hasn’t quite solved the issue of my damaged cartilage. My most recent MRI’s have shown that what I thought was a severe knee contusion is actually a fracture of the femoral condyle. It’s a tiny fracture in size, but it still causes pain and discomfort in my knee (i.e., extending my leg straight when sitting). It’s to be determined whether physical therapy alone will be sufficient enough or if we’ll have to look at surgery.

It’s crazy to think how I haven’t been able to run since late 2021. But I’m trying my hardest to submit everything to God and to trust in His timing. I often feel like I’m failing most of the time but acknowledging my need for help and peace in the process is the first step. If I’m honest, I’m still hoping for the surgery. It’s quite a lengthy recovery process, but as a sprinter, I think I must look at more extensive measures as I need something added to my knee (i.e., an allograft) to give me the physical support of pushing off my leg again in an explosive manner. As with all surgeries, there’s a few risks to consider. The surgery has about an 80-85% success rate, but there’s been questions around if I’ll be able to return to my intense level of training as an elite athlete. However, it may be a risk I’m willing to take…

For now, I’m back to my normal routine of physical therapy twice a week. Going through the motions won’t help my recovery so I must make sure that I’m still giving therapy my all, at home and at the clinic from week to week. I need to “be where my feet are” and not worry about what may or may not happen in a few weeks from now. Easier said than done but I’ll always have God on my side.

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