Vulnerability

it happens when we show ourselves, our talents, our raw emotions to others

part of it is scary because you don’t know how people are viewing you

can you trust them?

will they tell you the truth even if it hurts? and if yes, then how do they present that info to you?

putting yourself out there is scary because it’s a point of no return 

there’s nothing you can do that will turn back time to undo a decision

so what about training then?

training solo, specifically 

is that vulnerable too?

now… I think that it is

it’s not a competition under the lights with spectators 

most days I pull up to the empty track 

no coach, no training partners

but just me and my soul facing each other

asking,

“are you going to do this again?

will you die during this workout or will you die during this workout where you can’t peel yourself off the track?

can you make these times for your reps?”

each day I face myself

face my demons

on this track

if a workout makes me anxious, there’s no one out there to tell me to keep putting one foot in front of the other

if a workout just completely breaks me down mentally and physically, there’s no one there to process that with me, to observe how I’m handling things

“how far can I get on my own until a coach and/or training partners come along?” 

“if I push tempo just a little bit on these last reps, will I make it to the end? Or will I just collapse onto the track to no avail?”

“what happens if I push past that point and don’t make it to the other side?”

just me and my thoughts with no one to criticize except myself

being vulnerable to other people is scary

but being vulnerable to yourself?

that’s when a new level of greatness arises within you.

**Writer’s note: I usually don’t listen to podcasts that often but I listened an episode of Dr. Michael Gervais’ Finding Mastery podcast. His talk with Tianna Bartoletta (check out her website: https://tiannabee.com/) on Why Conquering Oneself is the Only True Victory was amazing ( https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-mastery/id1025326955?i=1000496322202 ).

It had so many gems that I had to listen to it twice to grasp all the knowledge and fresh perspectives. Out of all the gems I soaked up, one of them was the idea that performing, whether in sports or whatever you do, is vulnerable. It makes sense when you think about it– training can be grueling but you make it out day by day. On competition days, all that work is put out into the spotlight. No one wants to be in that awkward position where their performance doesn’t match up to the work, or lack thereof, they’ve put in because of x, y, and z. This free write poem was inspired by the true vulnerability it takes to put your talents out there for the world, or just for yourself, to see.

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